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It burns on my bare soles where I stand on the concrete stairs, leaning over the fence to take a photo of a huge agave. It looks like it’s melting and I can relate to that; it’s been warmer than usual for LA which means unbearably warm. We leave the AC on during the night so our apartment isn't a sauna when we get up for breakfast in the morning.
We found Swedish cheese in the grocery store and we make toasts with orange marmalade, and the cheese on top. Together with coffee it’s the most Swedish thing I know. The orange marmalade is of the bitter kind that I used to hate as a child, but now I love it. It still reminds me of that time though, which seems a bit weird. I recognize the taste from back then, but now it’s a good thing.

I wear the same dress every day because it makes me feel invincible, while also being light and thin.
We stay indoors more than usual and I drink way more iced coffee than normally.
We all have our ways to cope with the heat.
I dream of a house with a garden with lots of shade where I could sit all day and drink lemonade.
I dream of a lot of things.

There’s not enough room for my plants infront of the window anymore, but the step to emailing the landlord and ask if it’s okay if we drill some holes in the ceiling for plant hangers is too steep. (What if they say no.)
So I let them crowd.
I go to my very first Alexander Technique lesson and learn that I don't know how to stand and sit right, but I do have "a lovely connection" with my heels. That's a compliment I never thought I'd hear in my lifetime. I feel oddly proud.
I buy a vintage dress on etsy that looks like it would be perfect for the Annabelle Creation red carpet premiere, and while I’m waiting for it to arrive I get more and more anxious. It wasn't expensive, but still; it feels stupid to buy a dress that might end up not fitting.
But it fits. Oh boy does it fit. It’s so beautiful and I can’t believe how good it looks on me. I get so happy and smiley and I actually laugh really loud for a while. David is amazed too. And so are my parents and my friend Hanna that I sent a photo to. Hanna told me she was looking at it several times over the next few days and even showed it to a friend of hers and they both just ”Oh my gosh, its so pretty, ahhh the color, the cut, my EYES!!!”
My thoughts exactly.
When it was this warm two years ago it felt like at least five celsius degrees more than it does today. My pale, freckled body is going all California on me!
I find new paths in our neighborhood and zig zag through winding roads like I have a built in gps. Or, you know, good sense of direction. I’ve never had that before, and if we’re truthful I still don’t. I just recognize the houses, that weird crooked tree, the beautiful cactus, the steep hill. If I were to walk in the opposite direction it would feel like a completely new place to me. I know this because I did it last week and it took me ten minutes to realize I was on my usual route but with my nose pointing the other way. The moment I turned around it was like the world unfolded before me into familiar landscape.
The freshly cut grass and bushes next to the hiking trail smell like licorice, and when I get back home, sweaty and shiny, David says it’s like kissing the ocean.

I get great news on the phone, I buy three different brands of sunscreen because I can’t decide which one to choose, I put ice cubes in the leftover morning coffee, and I breath in the conditioned air. Our apartment is getting warm in that unbearable way, but outdoors feels nicer than it did two years ago and I still can't grasp that it’s me saying ”I love how nice and warm it is!”
June gloom came on May 31.
A week and a day later the grey skies have grown darker and heavier. On my head.
I walk in high wooden heels on streets covered in flower petal confetti; even the trees feel the burden of the skies.
At the French cafe the waiter who knows me gives me foamed milk for my coffee just to be nice, and I take a moment to register that I'm a regular here now. I get cranky if my usual table is taken, but today there is no reason to worry- no one wants to sit outdoors when grey skies are pressing down on you. But me.
I'm not letting gloom win.

Some days, like this day, the music in my earphones sound especially like theme songs to my life. I lift the coffee cup to my lips and feel like I'm in a movie. The cars driving by are background extras and the thoughts in my head are scripted perfectly.
A guy sits down at the table in front of me, living his life without theme songs in his ears. I feel sad for him because right now my movie is at the point where the music rises into a powerful crescendo symbolizing strength, willpower and mightiness. Nothing can crush me.

The waiter comes back to ask if I want more coffee and I remove one of my earbuds to let the outside world in. There is no movie, there is June gloom and car horns and a raindrop falling into my cup. But yes, I want more coffee and isn't it time for lunch soon and I'll walk on my high wooden heels to meet up with you and when we kiss we will be the same height and you will get some of my lipstick on your lips and we'll have our lunch outdoors because weather doesn't rule. We do.
Hej!
The photos in the third roll of film that we had developed were taken during one of our trips to Österlen. We spent a week writing, making and eating lots of soup and taking walks.
As with the photos from our wedding and honeymoon these are not perfect by any technical standards but that's kind of what I like about them. It feels so strange that technology has moved so fast because I was one of those people who used a Point and Shoot kind of film camera long after people started taking digital photos, and it still feels like it was ages ago.
And also, how come it was so easy to get used to the possibilties of taking a gazillion photos without having to think of film rolls and development costs? It already feels so strange and exciting to have to wait to see the photos. I sometimes catch myself looking at the back of the film camera for a display screen showing me what I just shot.
How quickly we get used to the speed of technology!
I love that I've started to fiddle with both the digital and the analog because to me that just feels so right.
Sometimes I want the power in being able to choose from a hundred photos and in that moment having the chance to correct and learn on the spot, but sometimes it's just so nice to take a picture of a time and place I think is worth capturing and storing it in my memory for a while before seeing the result and remembering it all over again.
It doesn't have to be either or, it can be two completely different things satisfying two sides of photography.
Ahhh, favorite season of them all!
Cute husband being all cute.
Hello lonely tree!
The cliffs of Vik were photogenic as always.
And I can't resist the hazy dusk and wind in reed.

Yesterday I brought the film camera when David and I were going in to town. Ten minutes from home I realised I hadn't loaded the camera with a new roll of film so for all of the two hours we spent walking around Gothenburg my camera was just some kind of stupid hipster necklace. Ha! That made me feel so very professional.
The camera is loaded now though, ready for the next analog adventure.

Tjingeling!
/Lotta
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