Yesterday an old memory popped into my brain.
I was maybe 9 or 10 years old, and my parents had just given me my very first key to our apartment. My home key (read in Gollum voice- "my preeeeciouuuuus").
It hung around my neck in a white elastic band and I was so happy, and felt so much pride over the fact that I was now old enough to have my very own key.
I was showing it to everyone in line for school lunch when our teacher's assistant took me aside and told me that maybe I shouldn't show my key to everybody. He said, It's better to keep it to yourself, because keys are valuable things to keep safe.
I was mortified! It was a mixture of feeling ashamed of myself, and being angry with him for stealing my joy.
I remember thinking that I had been so happy and proud and my classmates had treated me like I was cool because I had a key, and then this guy came in and took all of that away and replaced it with only stupid feelings, like shame och worry.
It's strange how this memory has stuck with me all these years. The teacher's assistant was a really nice guy but I'm still a teeny tiny bit mad that he stole my joy in the lunch line that day.

The reason for me having my own key was that I started to walk home by myself directly after school while my parents were still at work.
I had gone to an after school programme up until then, but one day I told my parents that I didn't want to go there anymore.
I wanted to go home and be by myself for a few hours every day. I had apparently been very clear about this and my parents have told me later that they felt this was such a strong longing in me that they just had to listen.
I remember those first afternoons by myself so vividly. It was wonderful.
I used to come home, throw my backpack on the floor and just lie down on the rug and look up at the ceiling and listen to the silence.

I have blogged before about me being bullied in school, and I think I desperately needed to just be alone for a few hours after the school day. No kids, no grown-ups, no parents, only me and the stillness of our apartment. It gave me a feeling of freedom.

I think sometimes society forces kids into social interactions all day everyday, when it's such an important thing to also learn how to just be alone and enjoy it.
I'm positive that those afternoons of alone time are a huge part of why I, to this day, enjoy being by myself so much.