I've been dancing again!
This time I actually returned to the very same forest where I shot the last (and very first) installment of A Lotta Dancing but these two photos carry an entirely different mood.
I'm madly in love with the first one. It took a lot of tries to get the cape to move that way, exactly when the camera shutter went off. But it was so worth it, don't you think?
Rotvälta means uprooted tree and is pronounced a little bit like rootvelt-ah. Haha, so hard to try and spell how it might sound to non-Swedes.
Free style dancing to the humming in my head.

I actually have another installment in this series ready, taken this last summer so I might show you that when the longing for green nature is at its strongest. So very soon, I guess.

Yesterday David and I went to the woods.
We had two things planned for the day.

1. Film a little thing that I will show you next week probably. Not a short film. One of my own projects.
2. Take self portraits for my series A Lotta Dancing.

So that's what happened. I took some photos while we were there just because the woods look absolutely magical this time of year. They actually look magical all year round but, you get what I mean.
Anyways, here's a little behind the scenes/spooky nature romanticism photos for you.
The colours here just blow me away.
We had to walk a little to reach our destination.
There, in the darkness.
Rotvälta. My favourite swedish word. It means uprooted tree.
And there was a quiet woodland lake.
My vintage nurse cape had a big part in the filming and photo shoot. You'll see, in a few days.
Two hours later. Wet and cold feet, tired and very hungry. Time to pack up and go home.
Walked back through the beautiful beech tree forest.
Spent the evening eating good food, getting warm under blankets, drinking tea and playing videogames in front of the crackling fireplace.

Cozy, is the word I'm looking for.

David and I decided it was high time we visited the family summer house for a few days of writing and clearing our heads a little.
It's been rainy and miserable in Gothenburg lately so we were so happy to wake up to wonderful sunshine yesterday.
I decided to document the entire day because I've really missed that kind of blogging.
So, here's my entire day yesterday.
Woke up late. We always do that here.
The first two days are sort of foggy too, especially in winter because the house is warming up after a couple of cold months, so it's cold and a bit damp before both the house and we have gotten used to the whole thing. The day after we arrived we were so tired we could hardly keep our eyes open.
Well, that was a sidetrack, let's continue with yesterday.
Breakfast was two avocado toasts with salt and pepper, and a cople of cups of coffee with milk.
A pile of orange cloves.
Drank some more coffee and checked the internet for a while.
(And check out that little fruit sticker underneath my slippers. It's still there, I can't be bothered to remove it right now. Mabe later.)
Then we went out for a walk. Walked past the hen houses.
Said hello to some hens.
Bright sunlight behind hay bales.
And then we heard someone calling for us. We turned around and this little fellow was running towards us. Such a cutie!
We love eachother.
I always wish I weren't allergic when we meet one of these super friendly cats around here. I can be around them for a few days but it won't really work out having them in my home. So sad.
For a video with this adorable cat click here .
We said goodbye to our new friend and walked to our tree. It's ours because we got married underneath it in august 2013.
Over the stile we went.
And up the steep hill.
And then we had to catch our breaths for a while.
And check out the beautiful view.
It was very windy and cold up there. As you can see.
Took a few self timer photos of us too, of course.
And then we began our walk down the hill again.
To say hello to all the sheep!
(And sorry to the sheep in the front who got himself captured on photo while pooping...)
Flowers in wintertime.
When we got back to the house it started to get dark outside so we heated the fish stew we made the day before. I found the recipe online (it's in swedish though) and we're definitely making this one again! Lots of vegetables, lemon, oranges, chili flakes and thyme makes this soup a wonderfully spicy taste explosion.
After dinner I sat and edited photos from way back in november. I'm so behind on this!
Then I read through what David and I have been writing on.
This is our set up when we're here by the way. We eat on one side of the table and work on the other.
And a poke on the nose is absolutely necessary, of course.
Back to editing again. And looking up at my beautiful husband once in a while.
Clementines and coffee kept me going.
(Love Love Love that mug! We got it from friends as a wedding gift and it stays here in this house so I'm always happy when I get to use it.)
Listened to podcasts and worked by our computers until our tummies started to growl. Sandwiches with crisp apples on them is super tasty so don't knock it until you've tried it, alright!

And then it was night and time for bed.
So that was my day yesterday. Hope you liked to see this little glimpse into my life.

See you soon again!

I thought since it was forever since I blogged about my day to day life it would be appropriate with a little catching up, right?

So let's start in november when David and I went to Los Angeles.
In a plane somewhere over Utah. Earth is quite extraordinary, don't you think?
Tall and shiny buildings. Things we don't have that much of in Sweden.
Sunshine in november. Things we don't have at all in Sweden.
Good for me then that I bought a pair of white rubber boots (I call them my "Storm Trooper Boots" for obvious reasons) that I got good use of straight away when we came back home to Gothenburg.
We went to our hometown Jönköping over the weekend to visit our families.
The weather was rainy and dreadful. Reststop posing is not David's main sport.
We went for a walk one evening.
And I danced a little at a rainy skate park.
One of the reasons we went to Jönköping was because I had a birthday present to receive. I had wished for a fleamarket shopping day with my mother and I found so many great things! This wonderful green tweed coat, for example.
Here I am, all happy, outside the office supply store because I had lots of stuff to buy before my week at the christmas fair!
At the christmas fair in the shopping mall Nordstan! I was there every day the week before christmas with my jewelry.
Arranging things before the customers arrive.
On december 22 David and I celebrated 8 years together and I dressed up accordingly. This is the dress I bought from a Lights Out fan in Los Angeles by the way. It will forever be called the Lights Out dress because of that.
Awww, don't we look cute?!
We went to a really lovely restaurant and had a nice dinner.
And then we went home to our families for christmas.
The snow arrived promptly before christmas dinner.
And everyone was happy with their christmas gifts.
It was very cold on christmas day. David and I went for a walk.
To the lake Munksjön in the centre of Jönköping. The moon hung prettily in the sky.
Oh, Astor, you silly bundle of fluff!
Back in Gothenburg again we got a visit from my sister and her kids. David and my niece Hilda made this drawing together. Well, Hilda told David what to draw.
I got the itch to clean (happens once in a blue moon) and sorted though all my jewelry and knick knacks sitting on the bathroom floor, drinking coffee and listening to podcasts.
It was super foggy in Gothenburg around new years. Our neighbourhood looked a little bit like Hogwarts.
A few hours later when the snow had turned into grey mush Gothenburg looked miserable again.
One weekend our friends (and wedding witnesses) Aili and Jonas came to visit us. It had been so long since we last saw eachother and we had a couple of great days together. Visited the enormous antique store Antikladan. Aili and Jonas found a great lamp for their new place. David and I were broke though so we only looked. That place is huge so it's an adventure in itself just to find the way through it without getting lost.
And it was sun that day! Wonderful!
And I found a girlfriend!
This coat had been missing a button for a long time and then the other day I found it! When I sewed it on I noticed that the coat had an extra button sewn into the lining so I hadn't really needed to search high and low for the missing one. Well, well.
Happy to be able to wear this lovely coat again!
Last week I was a month early to a meeting. Silly me.
It was early in the morning and David and I had decided to eat breakfast at a café after my (non existing) meeting. On our way there the largest snowflakes I've ever seen started to fall from the sky. Some of them landed on David's eyebrows and eyelashes.
A view from our balcony the day the storm flew in. It was quite scary actually. It's hard to sleep when the windows are rattling and the entire walls are trembling. They closed off the street below ours because a roof had flown off a bulding. Storms are scary.
Just a self portrait in the Lights Out hallway to capture the outfit I wore that day.
It was one of those days when you don't really think things through, but it turns out alright anyways.
The white cardigan is an old thrift find that I keep in a plastic bag in my wardrobe because it's so fuzzy and fluffy. The skirt is my velvet skirt that I use almost every day.
Fluffiness and velvet is not really a good match, but it worked out fine because as it happens there's not much fluff left in the cardigan anymore.
Yesterday I had a little conversation with myself.
Oh, and I made a thing. Go follow me there if you aren't already!

I'm off to bake banana bread now because a friend is coming over for tea later!
Talk to you soon.

Inspirational wire thing made by me, photo of David's hand during a light test taken by me, seed pods and stones I've found on the ground on various places in the world.
I was taking photos of new jewelry pieces to fill my shop with when I saw the things lying around me where I stood.
So I had to arrange a little still life with my phone's screensaver in the focus.
And then I got an idea.
What if I change the screensaver image on my phone every month and incorporate it into a still life photo?! YES!

Let's not hope too much, though. I might forget, I might get bored. Those are things that happen to me a lot.
But let's hope a little. A little hope is more than okay.

2014 was a weird year.
Can't really explain in any other way. It was absolutely bonkers.
I started off the year with lots of ideas and a promise to myself that I was going to try to be more brave - I even called 2014 the Year of Creative Bravery- and I set a few projects in motion that I felt so much about. That got totally turned upside down by one, shall we call it, incident.
Lights Out went viral.
It happened over night and changed everything.
All my projects, my blog, my jewelry and my plans sort of had to slow down for the rest of the year to just let all the adventure unfold. And it did. Slooooowly and unsurely.
It's been a year of so much waiting and hoping and dreaming and sometimes I've been extremely frustrated and other times I've felt as calm as a "filbunke" (Swedish expression that means very very calm. Like super slow.)
I've blogged for many years (since 2008) but I really wasn't prepared for people talking about me on the internet. Commenting on my body and looks both in positive -but mostly in negative- ways.
Especially since people seems to be of the impression that I am now rich and famous and should be able to take the bad with the good.
It required me to really reflect on some things. Like, how do I read the comments, the good and the bad, without letting them get to me. Well, the bad at least.
Because internet comments works in mysterious ways. I can get ten really lovely ones and then along comes a meanie and says I'm fat and ugly and untalanted and then that is all I can hear. Over and over and over in my head.

I read somewhere that the reason why negative comments hurt so bad is because when we read them we hear our own voice saying all those bad things to ourselves, and that makes it hit us harder.
I pondered on all of it for a while and then I decided it was time to write about this in Being a Woman in a Short Film Gone Viral.
To say "no, I don't accept this. It is NOT OK to talk about me this way."
I know it won't stop the mean comments but it very much made me stronger. I had said No, to them- but mostly to myself.

It also really helped that my post was picked up by a local radio station that wanted to have me talking about my experience on air. It was so much fun and I realised I had really thought all of this through and had come out of it with a better confidence.

Plus I have a folder in my phone with screencaps of every nice comment about me, so when I do get a bad one I can look in that folder and be a happy person again.
It's the small things, you know.
Practicing some Strong Looks that might come in handy when talking with sexists, bigots and other stupid people.
Now to the part about 2014 being the year of creative bravery.
I started off the year super hard and wrote my most personal blog post ever. To be brave.
It was about how being bullied as a child has affected me all the way into my 30's. It still does, actually, and I think it always will. But to write this text made me feel a whole lot freer. I don't need to pretend that it didn't mean anything to me. It meant a whole lot, and I strive to keep pushing against my fears and make myself become amazing because of it.
In other brave news I did something that I never spoke about on my blog.
I applied to a photography school.
It's been something I've been wanting to do for a long time but never really had the guts to before.
So I applied. I took photos for the application tests and I got called on an interview.
It felt so good. I was so happy when I left the school and thought: I have done my very best.
The day before midsummer's eve I got a letter that let me know I didn't get in, but was put on their waiting list.
I was nr 6 that day.
When classes had started I was nr 1 in line. And there it stopped.
I can't explain to you how sad I was. I had hoped so incredibly much for this.
The thing is: My number one dream in life has always been acting but a few years ago I kind of gave up a little.
I was tired of trying and started to make jewelry and take photos instead because that I could do on my own. And I fell in love with it.
So when another dream fell through it hurt a lot.
The photos above are from the day when I took the photos for my application test to the photo school. They are not the photos I applied with (they were on a certain theme that has nothing to do with rainy cemeteries but were taken there and included a pink donut) but I think I will keep those to myself. For now at least. I'm very proud of them, though.
Just some photos of David, because he's puuuurdy.
And then everything started to happen with Lights Out and I started to feel hope again. For acting. My first and biggest dream.
Could it be possible?
And that's where I am today. Thinking that maybe it is. Maybe it's time to give my ultimate dream a new chance. To say to the world yet again: I want to be an actress.
In film, on stage. Writing with David. That is my dream, my plan and my goal.
And the jewelry and photography gets to tag along but they are not on the forefront right now. Acting is.
It is scary to say. But I'm being brave now. It is 2015 at least.
When I looked through all my posts and photos from 2014 I realised that even though it has felt like everything has been put on hold because of all the waiting and hoping, I have still done a lot of things.

Here's the short version:

We went to Copenhagen a beautiful spring weekend to do something together after spending so much time thinking/reading/talking/working Lights Out and everything surrounding it.
Here's those posts:
Friday Evening
Sunny Saturday
Lazy Sunday
On midsummer David and I went on a weekend trip to Varberg and Tjörn.

And midsummer's day at the beautiful Tjörn Island.
We went to Österlen a few times too of course.
A spring day in Rörum has some really nice photos, I think.
When it was our wedding anniversary we went on a roadtrip that was so fun and exciting!

Anniversary Roadtrip: Friday. Where we found a fairytale forest.
Anniversary Roadtrip: Sunday. Part 1. Includes an old railway bridge, a frog and an abandoned house.
Anniversary Roadtrip: Sunday. Part 2 At the wonderful and exciting and weird car cemetery.
I love all of the blogposts from our roadtrip! It was the best way to celebrate our first anniversary as married, and we hope that we'll be able to go on a roadtrip adventure every year around that date.
And then in November we went to Los Angeles so that David could meet up with his agents, managers and producers. It was a great trip and now I really can't wait for 2015 to really get started.

During 2015 I had photoshoots with the gorgeous Ruby and my Tangled Triangle necklaces.
With the beautiful Ida for my This Growing Collection.
I photographed my father Peder Losten for his new record Fritiof & Grabbarna.
I started my photography self portrait series A Lotta Dancing by dancing in a forest outside St Olof in the south of Sweden.
I also modeled my Tangled Triangle necklaces in a photoshoot I did together with David called Old Timey Diva Meets Tangled Triangle.

David and I made a couple of new shortfilms that we wrote together.
Not So Fast that might be my favourite.
And See You Soon that we made for Raindance film festival's 14 second horror film competition.
I made a video for the release of This Growing Collection where you can hear me sing.
And in december I made the wonderfully silly Advent Calendar sitcom A Whole Lotta Christmas.
But, of course. The most revolutionary things that happened for both David and me 2014 revolved around Lights Out. We won Best Short at FANT Bilbao.
Lots of festivals around the world screened Lights Out. To name a few: Dead By Dawn, FilmQuest, Fant Bilbao, Telluride, Horror Show Uppsala, International Short Film Festival, Hallucinations Collective, Festival Tous Courts, Horror Vision, Alcine 44 Spain, Braunschweig International Film Festival, Terrorfest Barcelona, Örebro Filmfestival, Fantastic Film Festival of Malaga, Synesthesia Film Festival, Meme Pas Peur, Gorefest, Narkolepsy Short Film Festival, Reading & Leeds Festival, Fascurt Barcelona, Cortopolis International Film Festival, Festival du Film Merveilleux.
Lights Out has been seen by a staggering amount of people now. Our youtube upload has 8.2 million views at the moment. Our vimeo upload has reached 9.6 million. There is another person that has uploaded the short and has almost 3 million views on it. Plus a bunch of others.
So 20 million views is probably to count it low.
So crazy amazing it really can't be grasped.

And there's a lot going on behind the scenes that I can't talk about yet but soooooon, hopefully!
The Theatre group I'm part of- Teater Esther- premiered the play Perfect Life AB that was written by our director Frida Hartvigsson after discussions from the group. It was a dark comedy that left the audience with a lot to think about afterwords. Teater Esther is such a huge part of my life. Perfect Life AB was our first own play and I'm so proud and happy to be a part of that awesome group!

The week before Christmas I attended the Christmas fair in the shopping mall Nordstan here in Gothenburg with my jewelry.
If you got a Lotta Losten jewelry piece for christmas: Hiiii! Hope you love it!
So let's get this year started, OK?
I have never really felt like this around new years before; I believe 2015 will be an adventure.
Wanna tag along? One of my wishes for the year is for me to blog more, so pop in here often.

Another thing I hope is to get to know more people- both on the internet and in real life, because one bad thing that all this waiting and hoping has done is make it quite a lonely year. When so much exciting stuff is happening that I can't talk about (yet!) it gets so much easier to just not talk to people.
So if you feel like I havent talked to you enough during 2014: 2015 is the year when I won't stop talking!

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