I'm in the middle of in between.
Life’s been busy, exciting and overwhelming lately, and it feels safe to say that it’s about to be all those things soon again, but now is in between-time.
It reminds me of when we first came here. While it’s not the same, it has some connecting points, and that's what we do - find the similarities to create a sense of understanding.
Music resonates with me even more than usual, in a way that I can’t remember it having done before. I go way back in my playlists to find the most nostalgic ones, and every song throws me back in time to another place in time, shuffling out jumbled memories from my life.

The Coral- Dreaming of you
I’m walking the streets of Lund, finding my place in my very first apartment, living by myself, studying theatre history, and making new friends. I go out on the weekends and I dance until I’m a sweaty mess. It's wonderful and a little bit scary.
Regina Spektor- Some days
It's summer, I’m working at a group home in my old home town, singing loudly to the empty corridors in the evening, finding that I love this work but knowing clear as day “I should be acting, this is just temporary.”
Nick Drake- Northern Sky
Back in Lund but now it’s winter. Writing my first paper and studying for tests with a new friend, sitting in my mint green kitchen drinking tea and laughing at jokes from the tv show Friends that we both love and know every episode of by heart.
Bright eyes- Lover I don't have to love
A friend from class kills herself right around Halloween and I’m in shock. There’s so much sorrow and confusion mixed in with living life. Listening to music with sadness and power, and crying loudly with the melodies. So many wonderful, exciting things are happening but how can I be both sad and happy at the same time and I never expected to lose a friend like that. My view on life changes this fall.
Laura Marling- Cross your fingers
Living in Gothenburg now, walking home from a job that makes me miserable, but knowing that David is waiting in my apartment and we’ll take the tram over the bridge to the best Indian restaurant in town. Some days he leaves a funny, yet romantic, note on my coat room floor before taking the train back to his (and my old) hometown. I’m so very much in love.
Atomic Swing- Too late to exit
Going way back to the early 2000s, at the acting school in the middle of nowhere. I wake up early even though it's the weekend and none of my house mates are awake yet. I walk across the lawn outside the student houses, on my way to the gym, to dance alone on the large floor, feeling free and hopeful and rich with friends and creativity.
Florence The Machine- Rabbit Heart (Raise it up)
We have an apartment together now, with a large room for work. David is sitting by his computer on the other side of the room, and I’m editing photos of the jewelry I make and sell. We go for evening walks over the cemetery, and I long for a day when I can work creatively all hours of the day. Projects together, by myself, and no limits.

And now, here I am, standing in our LA kitchen crying because of all emotions possible. It's not sad, it’s powerful. And although music have always done this to me it’s almost too much now. Every song in this playlist have a memory attached to it and remembering everything at once is close to unbearable, but I crave it. It makes the in between-time less of an in between and more of a Right Now.
What songs will remind me of now if I only listen to songs connected to a different time?
Am I reshaping the memories connected to each song into something new?
Something now.

I have a new camera (a little Fujifilm X-T20) and it has rekindled my love for blogging.
So here are a bunch of photos from David's and my recent trip to the mountains. We rented an airbnb in Running Springs and had the loveliest of weekends.
You'll see.
No more words needed.

Until next time, mountains!
Until next time, blog!

We escaped to the mountains for the weekend. It's our wedding anniversary, and it's become quite the tradition for us to come up here for a weekend in august. We love the fresh air and the pine trees: they remind us of Sweden.
We're renting an airbnb with an amazing view of rocks and boulders that we decided we should climb. So yesterday we made sandwiches (rice cakes for me since I'm on the world's most boring diet due to stomach issues where nothing tasty is allowed (I'm exaggerating) and gluten free bread tastes like dusty crap (I'm not exaggerating)) poured some wine into a plastic bottle, packed a blanket, and then we walked and climbed and slid our way to the other side of the ravine.
There we ate our sandwiches in front of the beautiful view while the sun set behind the forest. It was quite magical.
Wanna see?
Don't drop the sandwiches, David!
David told me something interesting that I've forgotten about now.
The moment a bat flew by in that wobbly, kinda cute, way.
When we walked back across the ravine it was colored in pink.

A successful Dinner with a View!

The weeks move past in a strange combination of euphoria and boredom.
Annabelle Creation premieres and it’s glamour and excitement to no end. It's actually amazing, how well it goes and how fun it is. I wear a vintage dress that I found online and it fits like a dream. It surprises me, because how is it even possible to buy something on the internet that looks like it's made for you?
But I did, and I'm in love; with the color, the cut, the feel, the e v e r y t h i n g.
At the after-party I’m hit with the realization that we know people here now. At the Lights Out premiere we still felt new, and even though it's just one movie later it feels different. The tips of our wings are almost touching the ground on the landing strip.

We’re having meetings together for the first time and it feels just like it should: Simple and natural (and Finally). We have so much we want to do, right now is just the prologue.

We’re starting to feel a change in the air too. I'm talking about going from being anonymous to being somewhat recognizable.
It's very weird.
So far it's mostly fun when people come up to us and say hi, but there is that gnawing feeling of “is this going to get too intense?”
People on the internet all of a sudden treat us like we’re famous but we still feel like we’re the same people we've always been. It happened almost overnight, tweets and comments went from “hey I like what you do” to “hey, help me make my dream come true, buy me a camera, read my script”. And I get it, but I’m also starting to understand the really famous people; becoming less open with their lives, more cynical, and never ever reading comments or engaging on social media. (Omg I don't want that! I want to be allowed to just be me!)
Never in my life did I think I was going to have to prepare for things like this. Not that there’s any real preparations going on, but you know- there are thoughts and feelings, and learning to not respond to people demanding things from us that we can't give anyways. It all boils down to this: knowing who we are, and never letting anything or anyone change that. It's harder than you would think to go from being someone that only friends and family have opinions on, to having complete strangers thinking they know what kind of person you are.

During all of this I’m having doctor’s appointments because of stomach problems and the one thing I suspected- endometriosis- turns out to be correct, but so are two other problems I did not see coming. SIBO and hernias. So now I’m on a boring diet that confuses me SO much, but is going better than I thought it would, and it's nice knowing what to do. Antibiotics, surgery and diet. I can do this.

And then, then there's the dream of a house in the south of Sweden we could call home. Somewhere to go when we need fresh air, sea breeze, and quiet. A getaway home in what used to be our home country, because right now we have no place to call ours in Sweden and the sense of not having roots is strong.
It's so weird to even be able to think those thoughts, though. A dream I’ve had since I was 8 years old. Might it come true?
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